What do we live for? Not the salvation found in a girl? Not the solace of another person?

I have lived for no reason at all. There was no worldly thing important to me, so I spent my waking hours idly in pursuit of happiness. My pleasures are pure and unadulterated and solitary: the comfort of my bed, a glass of ice water, the wind through my window, a song that knows what it means to live, words that make us more real than any picture. Everything else is just being distracted from the fact that I am alive.

I want someone who is as real to me as I am to myself. Everyone else disappears off the face of the earth at the end of the day. All the people I see and meet and work with during the day are allocated no care nor love when they are elsewhere. I mean that there is a fundamental difference between acquaintanceship and friendship.

I keep looking for someone who isn't absorbed by anything. Someone whose identity isn't defined by an activity or belief or interest or preference. Someone whose sense of self is independent of the things we fill our lives with. But I don't know how rare that kind of self-consciousness is. It is hard to find someone who can live life and then let go of it.

I never knew what to make of life. People run around, doing things, convinced of the value of their experiences. I never really understood how people motivate themselves. Everything that we want and do comes from somewhere deep in our person, supplanting logic, so deep that when an impulse arrives, we are hardly aware of its arrival. We seem to want things with nothing better than arbitrary reasons why, nothing more than the fact that we're human and alive.

I live this way, arbitrarily, conscious that I do things without care or attention to my actions. The only thing I have really ever paid attention to was this deep mystery of our subconscious. I contented myself with being amused, and eventually everything amused me.

Happiness is when people allow themselves to enjoy their state of being in a recursive pattern of indulgence in our lives. I suppose that for me, I have been happiest while singing a song. A song of the redemption found in another person. Or just something fun like particles and triangles and suns and experimental films. To me, the new Shins album sounds like night and Iron and Wine is like devotion and The Decemberists are wise and yearning and Andrew Bird is catharsis. The White Stripes are the essence of tired, desirous life, and I listen to other stuff too. I mean, what better place is there to be than in a song?

I'm looking for someone who wants someone who does every action with fundamental truth and beauty and who appreciates the bare immensities of life, not only mere physical pleasures but the instances of sublime found in a song and in a girl and life.

Yes, I'd like to meet someone. I am reminded of this by the ice rattling in my empty glass. I like to stay hydrated. One time, at four in the morning, I woke to the rain and went outside while it was still dark and stayed out under the streetlight with my umbrella, watching the puddles ripple in the orange light and breathing in the smell of rain. And you know that it's those moments that you want someone with you.

It's not like I absolutely need anyone. I can be happy alon